ConversationswitCoyfee

Archive for the ‘Ask the black man’ Category

ConversationswitCoyfee presents A Man’s Point Of View: Why Women Cheat

In A Man's Point Of View, A man's Version of the Dating Game, Adulterous women, Ask the black man, Dating and the Single Woman, Uncategorized, What is True Love?, Why Women Cheat on August 30, 2009 at 4:20 am

Well folks what do you say? Do you agree with the writer? Why do women cheat? Is it that some women want their cake and to eat it too..

Let me know what you think?

Coyfee signing off

 

A Man’s Response To Why Women Cheat Posted Aug 18

So, I’m reading this article on the ‘Hello Beautiful’ site titled, 3 Reasons Why Women Cheat, and I have decided to give you women some advice based on what I have read:

 Feeling Lonely in a Relationship

Ok, realize that men sometimes go through this as well so it’s not gender based when it comes to feeling lonely. The expectations placed on a man while in a relationship should be discussed as opposed to being expected, ESPECIALLY if your man happens to be popular or very driven when it comes to his career or work. If you are feeling lonely, it is up to you to include him in other activities that he may not normally be involved in where you wouldn’t feel so lonely. Also, keep in mind that, just like women, guys like to hang out with the fellas every now and then, so if your expectations are greater than he is willing to give, then you may have to resort to the infamous female support group! Otherwise, occupy your time with your passion and goals so that way when the two of you DO get up, the time together will be cherished even more while both of you are trying to achieve personal goals and dreams!

 

Feeling Taken for Granted

 As stated above, men go through the motions when feeling like they are also taken for granted. But instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive and as with any relationship, whether work, play or friendship, this can be a task. But as with any task, there has to be common ground so that it can be completed to satisfaction! What most women tend to do is focus on their needs and themselves when having a conversation about ‘us’. You also need to be open to hearing and catering to his needs and wants as well so that way BOTH of you can be equally fulfilled! I hate to word it like this but, it has to be a mutually binding agreement so that way no one feels taken for granted, you give a little, I give a little and hopefully, we both benefit greatly!

 

You Are Leading Separate Lives

Well, as with anything in life, you grow, sometimes together, sometimes apart. It should be the focus of both partners to extend themselves to each other so that way both of you are still on the same page when it comes to a common bond which should be love. We can’t help who we are or who we become based on life experiences and what most women (and men!) don’t understand is that it is BECAUSE of you that he decides to take another direction in life, whether negative or positive. We should make each other stronger but at times, we tend to get weak out of being used to being with the one we are with, so we can and do get complacent. So, communication may be the most important tool in this situation so you can understand what the other is going through in order to want to stay in each others live! You can lead a separate, yet together life if both parties are getting what they want out of it, specifically on an emotional level. But you MUST discuss it with each other!

 

Revenge Can Be Bittersweet

This is definitely a hard thing for women and ESPECIALLY men! Since society accepts cheating men more than they accept cheating women, we, as men, are distraught when we find out that our woman has cheated, even if we were caught first. Hey, don’t blame us; society has made it acceptable for us to get away with cheating! Nonetheless, if it’s within a marriage, when you take your vows, you said for better or for worse, so you must remember that when you do find out as we, as men, have to think along the same lines. As far as a lover, I would say it should be based on what is transpiring in the relationship as to why the cheating was done and if it can be, not only forgiven, but placed aside for the good of the relationship.

 

The Ego Needs Stroking

As far as ego, I can safely say that the male ego is more robust than a woman’s ego, so we are at a disadvantage when it comes to that, especially if we are attractive or have a status or have money or have all three! Women are always eyeing us, trying to get our attention and with the slightest bit of neglect from you, make it easier to submit to the desires of a woman who is obviously trying to give us the goods. So, if anything, if our egos need stroking, guess what, something else of ours will get the stroking.

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ConversationswitCoyfee presents Ask The Black Man:Can A Man Wait Until Marriage To Have Sex?

In A Man's Point Of View, A man's Version of the Dating Game, Ask the black man, Black Church, Can A Man Wait Until Marriage To Have Sex?, How to successfully date, Uncategorized, What is True Love?, women talk on August 15, 2009 at 1:18 am

Good morning! I hope your week is progressing in a productive manner.. I have a old topic with a new spin for discussion..Waiting until marriage. Does anyone do that anymore? It’s sort of hard when there is so much divorce and maybe having other men/women to compare your new lover to is the root of the problem.  You tell me..

Below the Black Man addresses a young woman who has chosen to wait to have sex until married ..Let’s see what he has to say about this spicy topic…

Have a great weekend..

Coyfee signing off….

 

Can A Man Wait Until Marriage To Have Sex?

Posted Aug 13

Hello Blackman, I am a 21-year-old African American Christian woman who is saving herself for marriage. Quite frankly, I feel like I am one of the last of a dying breed of excellent women. It seems to be hard to find a good black man who appreciates me for who I am. What man wants to deal with a girl who won’t satisfy his sexual needs until after marriage? CD

 

The Blackman: Hi CD, I think the way society is designed these days it is tough to find that match. It is not impossible though. Just like anything else, once you find something great you should cherish it. Society has transformed a lot throughout the years where pre-marital sex is not looked at as taboo anymore. In some ways it has helped certain situations and in other cases it has not. For example it has stopped some people from getting married and realizing that lust was the premise of their relationship. On the flip side it has made someone overlook a person that they would overall be compatible with but since pre-marital sex was not in the equation, they looked past the person. The age of when people get married has changed as well.

 

Nowadays it is common for people to get married in their 30’s, unlike in the past most people were married with children in their 20’s. Sex has become a big emphasis in our society, rather than religion where premarital sex is forbidden. This factor makes it tougher for people to abstain until marriage. A majority of the things that you see in the multimedia platform of our society has a sexual innuendo to it. Another makes it difficult in your case because the men in your age range are going through their sexual prime so they may not be looking to settle at that point of their lives.

 

Look at yourself as a diamond in the ruff and be open to receiving a gem for a lifetime partner. There are men out there that will respect the fact you want to save yourself for marriage and will see your value beyond sex. Since you are a Christian woman, a good place to look for man who will value that is at Church. That’s not saying that you can’t find men elsewhere that will honor that but they can relate where you are coming from. Be patient and you will find someone that will appreciate you. Good Luck, TBM

ConversationswitCoyfee presents Strange and Unusual: 29-Year-Old Has 21 Kids With 11 Women

In 29-Year-Old Has 21 Kids With 11 Women, Ask the black man, Uncategorized, women talk on August 7, 2009 at 5:19 am

Well ladies this is a older story but the fact still remains that many black fathers have so many children that they are unable to support the children.  This generates alot of the struggle on the children’s mother.  I will share that I have five children and the five children have three different fathers (2-1-2).  The struggle to support my children is one that has born creativity aswell as having shifted me into becoming quite frugile.

Coyfee signing off…

29-Year-Old Has 21 Kids With 11 Women

By Casey Gane-McCalla May 27, 2009 11:35 am

 

From Examiner.com

As if Octomom wasn’t bad enough, a Tennessee man, 29 year old Desmond Hatchett has now fathered at least 21 children he can’t support. Hatchett was in child support court again last week.  His name appeared on the dockett 11 times in one day, representing 15 of his children.

Hatchett says he wasn’t out to set a record.  He says he never intended to have this many children, “It just happened.”  He fathered the children by at least 11 different women and he claims all of the mothers knew about his large family.  The children range in age from newborn to 11 years old.

The question Knox County officials now face is how to support all these children.  Hatchett works a minimum wage job and by law the state can only take 50% of his paycheck for child support.  By the time that money is split 21 ways, some of the mothers get less than $2 per month.  That leaves the taxpayers footing a large portion of the bill for these children.


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ConversationswitCoyfee presents Ask The Black Man:Can A Woman Be In Love With Two Different Men?

In A Man's Point Of View, A man's Version of the Dating Game, Ask the black man, Polyamory - Open Relationships, Uncategorized, women talk on August 5, 2009 at 12:15 am

Greetings..

Here’s an age old topic, that’s sure to stir some discussion.  TBM was recently asked if “Can a woman Be In Love With Two Different Men?”. What do you think? I personally think it is possible and not just based on sexual attraction.  I think in life we as people need different things from different people but saying that mouthful. Should we(women) establish and maintain a relationship with two different men? Well please tell me how you feel about this topic..I thought it might lessen the week long blahs for those of us that continue to sadden by continued violence against our children.

This is Coyfee signing off…Now to the “Ask The Black Man”

Can A Woman Be In Love With Two Different Men?

Posted Aug 3

Dear Blackman,

Can a woman be in love with two different men? -LT

 The Blackman: Hi LT, That circumstance would be a rare one but I believe anything is possible in life. I feel that you can have love for two people but can only be in love with one person. It’s very important to have a clear distinction of your feelings, not only in love but in lust. For example, some people think that they may be in love with someone but it is only pure sexual attraction. When the sexual attraction wears off then they feel they are not “in love” with that person anymore. It was never love in the first place. In conversations that I’ve had with many women, I’ve found that in regards to relationships their emotions get very wrapped up in a person that they are involved with (as anyone’s emotions should), so I would see it being difficult to have those same emotions towards two people at the same time. I think you can be in love with someone and can be extremely compatible with someone else. One must be clear on their feelings and what being “in love” really is. I feel being in love with two men at the same time is a very rare occurrence. That’s my 99 Cents worth. TBM

ConversationswitCoyfee presents A Man’s Point Of Veiw

In Adulterous women, Ask the black man, Forgiveness, Uncategorized, women talk on July 25, 2009 at 12:11 am
Good Morning folks!
 
This is Coyfee. I have been busy seeking out interesting topics for our discussions. I think the one below posted by theblackman is a great start. I would love to know how guys feel about the below story. How would you handle it if it were you? Would you still be able to remain in a marriage like the one described below?
 
We are all aware that the Bible instructs married men and women to only commune with one another. So we know what the christian concept is, however, what has caused this beautiful black successful woman to stray from her vows? What has created this unfillable void in her that has pushed her into this lifestyle? Will her husband be able to remain in their marriage? Many times it is the woman that is the one being cheated on, not this time.
 
Guys tell our readers your opinions on this topic?
That’s it for now..Coyfee signing off…Much Luv To Ya!!!
 
Talk to me let me know how you really feel? Talk2Me..We want your comments…

 

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Right here is where you can get an objective view on love, relationships, sex, career and social issues from a Black Man’s perspective. Email your questions to asktheblackman@gmail.com.

I Am A Young,Newlywed Wife That Cheats On My Loving Husband. Please Help.

Dear TBM,

I am a newly wed (I have been married about two months) and from the outside it seems like I have it all. I am 22 years old. I just graduated college and getting ready to enter law school. I am beautiful,successful, and just bought a new house. You name it, and I’ve got it; But yet still I am unhappy. I have been to therapy, counseling, etc… I’ve read self help books, and I meditate. There is still a void which leads to my problem. To fill this void, I tend to seek male attention, and then have affairs. I love my husband, but I can not seem to stop sleeping with other men. I know it’s wrong. I know better but I do it anyway. Can you give me some advice on this?

-Candy

The Blackman:

Hi Candy,

I find this interesting scenario because you always hear about the husband cheating on the wife and now you are hearing about the wife cheating on the husband. I am not trying to point you out but wives cheating on husbands is just as commonplace in marriage and it is not because their husband cheated on them.

My first thought is to know what your relationship is like with your father. Sometimes when a relationship between a father and daughter is not good and the daughter may feel not accepted by her father, they tend to try to fill that void with other men. So getting attention from men and satisfying them is a common way to try and fill that void. It is only temporary so that is why a woman will go from one man to the next.

Another possibility is timing. You are 22 years old. You are young and perhaps you are just not ready to settle down. You may truly love your husband but you may not be ready for marriage. Women can want to sow their wild oats as well. You just not might not be ready for a commitment.

You should really look into the situation with your husband and ask yourself these questions.. Does he give you enough attention? Does he please you sexually? Does he really make you happy? If all of these answers are yes, then I would say then you may not be ready to be in a committed situation. If the answers are no, then that is the reason why you are trying to fill the void because there are elements missing in your relationship. You would need to figure out if you both could really move forward together and you should be upfront with him about your feelings.

The last thing possibility could be that if this is just a sexual thing. If you are fully content with your husband but you just like to have sex with other people at times then you may want to look at the option of an open marriage. Some couples have a great relationship/marriage but they just like to be physical with other individuals at times. Nothing more than that. Both parties really have to be on the same page for that.

Definitely figure out what it is and be honest with yourself about it. If this happening two months into a marriage this is only going to get worse, cause drama, and people will get their feelings hurt in which one of those people could be you.

Good luck with your situation.

TBM