Posts Tagged ‘confession’

ConversationswitCoyfee presents A Man’s Point Of View: Exploring The Concepts of Polyamory – Open Relationships

In A Man's Point Of View, Polyamory - Open Relationships, Uncategorized, women talk on August 4, 2009 at 10:35 am

Would you Consider an Open Marriage? What’s Your Opinion? Do you Think it’s Wrong? How do You feel?


I have new topics just bubbling around in my head to share with you. The one for today is: Would you consider an open marriage

I was reading a part of a bio from JujuMama.  I will read almost anything even if I don’t agree with it.  So as I read her bio..she shared her story about how she made peace with the idea of her husband’s choice and eventually hers.

An open marriage ..well the road to this new type of relationship seemed bumpy almost not possible but her husband was very persistent.  He had a soo much love that he wanted to share it with another as well with the promise that it would not take away from his love for her.  Check out her story’s quite interesting..

So after reading that story I knew I had to find out what the men I knew felt about this subject. So I went deep undercover and began my research..One of my friends, we will call him ‘T’ for short.  T was not even open to his wife flirting with other mens. Calm down ladies I am not saying that I agree or disagree with him.  However, I was joking around with one of my male friends and so I thought he would be my test subject.  Of course he has no idea that he is..shhhhs – Don’t tell, okay. 

Is it wrong to share your husband/wife with a secondary partner? Well I was honestly shocked that a man (member of the male species) would not like the idea of having sex with multiple women in the open. He stated that it would not be good to live this lifestyle with his wife knowing and he definitely would agree to his wife having a secondary partner.  I had to know more so I push a little more.  I wanted to know why not? I mean most married men have cheated at least once on their wife.  He remarked that it wouldn’t be the same if she(his wife) knew.

Well that was shocking but when I asked what if your wife wanted to embrace the lifestyle?  Well that was a definite NO. NO. No…No. So ladies, if your going to marry a guy like this …You won’t be able to have two men for if that’s your flavor..

Now if you have a personality that you have hidden from your girlfriend/boyfriend or fiance.  Now’s the time to discuss it with your partner before you solidify the arrangement.  Most people have two personalities and some are hard to hide? Well it takes a long time to share all of yourself with anyone..

Tell me your opinions about this topic? Talk2Me..

This is Coyfee signing off…..




ConversationswitCoyfee presents A Discussion on Sista-2-Sista

In Believer who falls into sin, Child abuse, Entertainment, Homeless Women, Sista-2-Sista discusses Females In the Pornography Industry, Uncategorized, Women making money in Porn Industry, women talk on August 3, 2009 at 10:24 am

Sista-2-Sista discusses Females In the Pornography Industry

Well folks here is our new discussion.  Females In the Porn industry: Right or Wrong?

Pornography is a word derived from the Latin Porne (prostitute) and graphos (depicting) and literally means a depiction of prostitutes or prostitution. The term is now used generically to describe any material that is sexually explicit and intended primarily for the purpose of sexual arousal.
We are already know that sex is one of the most talked about biblical sins. We know that in the biblical times men had multiple wives and partners known as concubines (mistresses). Now we also know that women who like to spread the love around are considered whores (word in the bible) don’t freak out. We know that some women in the biblical times aswell as now were and are treated like the we are at the bottom of the food chain. So now that we have discussed all of that:
What is your honest opinion of porn and women? Do you believe if watched with wife or husband is it spiritually wrong?
Do you watch porn? Would you watch if your husband or wife asked you?
One of my friends told me that there is not a man alive that doesn’t watch porn..I believe him
Do you know of one..I don’t need his name of course but I would like to know how guys really feel?
Please do not be religious. I know pastors that watch porn and I can only say Confession and Repentance..thank God for his son Jesus and His Shed blood for all of our sins..
I want to understand why if a man is married, why is porn necessary? Humor me guys(males) tell me why is porn necessary?
Would you married and have children with an ex-porn star? We understand that once we confess our sins ..God forgives us ..that is a memory note to all of the religious are righteous and have fallen short of the glory..another note for the religous folk..
I am interested to know how many men would marry a woman that is wildly view because of her performaces in this industry. I know alot of men that want their wives to fulfill their fantasy about things that they have seen in a movie or heard their friends talk about. Ladies tell me how would you feel if your husband was persistent with you to do things that you are not comfortable with. Possibly things he saw in a Xrated movie. How would you feel?
Coyfee signing off…
Women in Porn
One author’s opinion

There are many reasons why a woman may enter the porn industry. To find out these reasons we must go right to the source. Why not ask a famous woman porn star why she does it. Ask why she would want to make a living out of having sex. Many female porn stars have said that they are in the industry because of the money. Porn is a billion dollar industry as money is made through the selling of pornography magazines and movies. Plus the internet is a huge money maker for the porn industry. There are thousands of websites that offer pornographic videos, pictures and even stream live web-cams. Depending on what you wish to see you can watch live footage of people having sex or engaging in other sexual acts. There is also a big market in the phone sex industry. Porn is literally everywhere.
A woman can make a lot of money in the porn industry. Some female porn stars have become so popular that they live in Hollywood mansions. It is easier to make thousands of dollars having sex then it is to work at a fast-food restaurant. A woman in the porn industry has to work less and makes more money in a shorter amount of time. The earning potential is incredible for a woman in this industry.


Some women say that they choose the porn industry because they enjoy having sex. They feel that they are good at sex and this is how they want to earn a living. Many female porn stars are not afraid to brag about their in-bed habits. Some female porn stars have even written books such as the popular “How to Have Sex Like a Porn Star.” There are so many different markets that a porn star can tap into. Female porn stars have their own accessory lines, lingerie lines and much more. Not all of the reasons for a woman to enter the porn industry are positive.

Some women enter the porn industry for negative reasons. Some of the women have been sexually abused or molested and then is how they deal with that pain. Other women choose the porn industry to pay for drug habits or because they feel they can not make money any other way. Some women who have been teenage runaways have entered the porn industry because it allows them to get off the streets. Other women suffer from low self esteem and working in porn makes them feel sexy. There are as many negative reasons as positive reasons on why a woman may enter the porn industry.

While some people look down on and frown at women working in the porn industry we must realize that it is their choice. Some women who are struggling to become models or actresses will do porn films so they are not forced to live on the streets. The biggest reason for women in porn is the money. Several female porn stars have made millions of dollars in the porn industry. The porn industry can be a stepping stone to other things in life. We all start somewhere and the porn industry is where some women choose and want to be.


Another thing, most women who “enjoy” lots of sex or like being in movies, were usually molested as a kid. Lots are girls have been subjected to molestation once in their lives. It affects them for the rest of their lives. Depending on the abuse, it can cause women to head into distructive livestyles like porn. You can say, “Some women have made lots of money doing porn.” So what? Drug dealers make a lot of money. Is that something to look up to or want to become? I could probably make a lot of money doing porn, but I don’t want to do something that disgusting just to make money. Porn is shameful. It will always be, even if more and more are engaging in it in their private lives. It’s still a taboo.

Fred / June 16th, 2007, 2:40 am / # 

I am pretty pettie, smart 19 year old female that does watch porn now and then on my dyas of work at a deacent respectable job. By seeing me, no one would guess that I stay up until 2 in the morning watching raunchy sleezy porn in order to satisfy my sexual needs. Why? Bc lets face it. Porn is enyoyable to watch however afterwords it leaves you feeling dirty and like a perve. I started viewing soon after I purchased my laptop and I vowed not to do it again since it gave me an uneasy,sticky, sick fealing to venture in to something that corrupts minds. and I guess in a way that is what it did to me. Porn is like a drug that lives and thrives in ones mind. It can have long term side effects like turning bi. I watch i it for hours at time and I HATE IT. I want to stop but I am embarrased to even tell my boy friend who Im supposed to move in with. I enjy waching porn somethimes more than having sex with him and I know that that is not how its supposed to be. PORN CORRUPTS MINDS AND SOULS AND i WANT TO STOP SO I AM REALY GOING TO PRAY THAT THIS STOPS.

anonymouse / December 18th, 2008, 3:26 am / #


anonymouse / December 18th, 2008, 3:35 am / #

Another author’s opinion

The negative portrayal of women and sex by the porn industry is an alarming problem for society as a whole – especially since this problem has the backing of a multi-billion dollar industry that is funded by millions of people everyday.

The porn industry can be down right disrespectful of women in their descriptions and portrayals, with violent and derogatory terms often being used to indicate the rough nature of how the women appearing in the films are used and abused. Women are seen as sexual objects to be used for the physical pleasures and perversions of men. No matter how brutal or invasive the act may be, women are also shown as enjoying it immensely – and in fact desiring the same things. Women are perceived in such a way that they would like nothing more than to have sex with any man with a pick up line and some easily removable pants, but contrary to what some men may allow themselves to believe, this is not the case. There is nothing wrong with seeing a female as a beautiful and sexual being, but that is not all that they are – and most desire much more than sexual gratification (especially if its in weird and unflattering ways).

The main problem with this portrayal is that many porn users are exposed to porn at a young age, which may lead to an early lack of respect for females and for sex itself. This in turn can breed a society in which not only is it the norm for men to see women as sexual objects, but young girls may be conditioned into believing that this is normal.

We live in a society where sexual values and ethics are fading, as young men are all too willing to have sex with the first willing female they can find and young women do not value themselves and the act of sex enough to wait for the right time and partner. The sexual antics with no personal connection shown in porn movies can be seen as a contributing factor to the promotion of promiscuity and casual sex. Sex itself is not the problem here – it is the way in which it is used and portrayed by the pornographic industry.

Any act seen in a porn movie can be considered to be acceptable, as long as it is done with genuine love and consent by all those concerned (which is unlikely, especially in terms of group sex or any form of humiliation), and not for economic gain where it is used as a tool of trade. Sex is not a commodity to be filmed and sold and no matter what they are being paid, the “stars” of these films are going very cheaply. As with many multi million dollar industries, ignorance is indeed bliss, as the women who act in these films are treated like the objects that they convey.

If you watch a pornographic film, how do you know when you are watching an abused or psychologically damaged women “performing” or not? Perhaps you are funding the drug addiction of abused and humiliated women who are selling their dignity and respect for their next hit? The porn industry is rife with these kinds of stories, and many worse – so if you’re not sure where your money or attention is going, why fund or use any of it? There is genuine sexual fulfillment to be found in the real world, in real relationships – where there are no cameras, money and profit margins involved.

ConversationswitCoyfee presents a Tragedy: Mother Mutilates 3 1/2 week Old Baby

In Baby Is killed by His Mother, Child abuse, pictures of baby who was decapitated by mother, Pictures of mother who decapitated baby, Uncategorized, women talk on July 29, 2009 at 1:11 pm

This is Coyfee.  I can not comment on this story. Please read for yourself..there really is a tragedy going on with new mothers..Below are pictures of the mom and the baby.  Please offer prayers for this family. All involved will be plagued by painful memories for many years to come. I am certain that this mom is ill. The question is why wasn’t she treated before now.  Well honestly we can pray that this type of tragedy never happens again. But since many mothers seem to become even more psychotic after child birth..the doctors need more training as far as mental illness is concerned.  Please contact your legislature and ask them to request additional testing in the area of mental wholeness before forcing the new mother out of the hospital.  Many women are not physically prepared to leave the hospital after birth, needless to say how scared they maybe going home with this new person.  The baby has its own agenda and will not just go to sleep because the mom needs to rest.

Please understand I am not offering an excuse for results of the below story but we really do need to establish a safety net for mom with mental health issues. We need some questions to help reveal if a hidden mental illness maybe have been aggravated by the trauma of childbirth.


In this Monday, July 27, 2009 photo released by the Bexar County ... This July 18, 2009 photo released by Scott Buchholz shows Otty ... This July 16, 2009 photo released by Scott Bucholz shows Otty ... This July 18, 2009 photo released by Scott Buchholz shows Scott ... This July 18, 2009 photo released by Scott Buchholz shows Scott ... In this July 1, 2009 photo released by Scott Buchholz, Otty ...

Mom of decapitated baby: ‘I didn’t mean to do it’

By PAUL J. WEBER, Associated Press Writer Paul J. Weber, Associated Press Writer 1 hr 12 mins ago

SAN ANTONIO – A Texas mother accused of decapitating her 3-week-old son screams “I didn’t mean to do it. He told me to!” while her sister pleads for an ambulance to bring help in a desperate four-minute 911 call released Wednesday.

Otty Sanchez, who police say told them the devil made her kill and mutilate her only child, cries “I love him” and says she’s stabbed herself in the heart and stomach while her sister tries calming down the 33-year-old mother.

At one point during the frantic call, Priscilla Garcia tries reassuring her sister that she is alive. “Otty, this time I told you to come to me,” Garcia says.

“I tried, but you told me that you died,” Sanchez responds.

“I’m not dead, Otty,” Garcia says. “I’m standing right here talking to you.”

Sanchez, 33, is charged with capital murder in the slaying of Scott Wesley Buchholz-Sanchez, who authorities found decapitated and grossly mutilated in a bedroom of her sister’s house early Sunday. Police say Sanchez chewed off three of her infant’s toes and ate parts of the brain. She used a knife and two swords in the attack, according to police.

Garcia tells the dispatcher that her sister has stabbed her child and that blood is all over the bed.

“She’s gone crazy last night. She was hearing voices,” Garcia says. “She kept bringing me the baby. And finally she calmed down and I took her back the baby. And now I just woke up to hear screaming.”

She continues, “The baby is dead. The baby’s dead. Please, somebody come.”

During the call, the dispatcher instructs Garcia not to touch the baby or anything in the area. The call ends with the dispatcher saying help is on the way.

Sanchez, who had been hospitalized after the killing, was being held on $1 million bond at the Bexar County jail. It was not immediately clear Wednesday whether she had an attorney.

Scott W. Buchholz, the infant’s father, said Sanchez suffered from postpartum depressionand that she told him she was schizophrenic a week before the slaying. Buchholz, who said he also is schizophrenic, said he wants her to receive the death penalty.

A family member has said Sanchez had been undergoing psychiatric treatment and that a hospital called looking for her several months ago. Gloria Sanchez, the mother’s aunt, said her niece had been “in and out of a psychiatric ward.”

In May 2008, Otty Sanchez’s mother, Manuela Sanchez, called police after her daughter didn’t return from a trip to Austin, saying she was concerned about her daughter’s safety. Manuela Sanchez told police she suspected her daughter was into drugs and specifically told police she wasn’t suffering from any mental issues.

Buchholz last saw Sanchez and his son the day before the killing. He said Sanchez had moved in with her parents a week earlier, leaving him July 20 after being briefly hospitalized for depression but released that same day.

Sanchez brought “Baby Scotty” over to see his father the day before the slaying, and Buchholz said she became irate when he asked for copies of the birth certificate and other documents, then left in a huff with the baby.

Priscilla Garcia called 911 before 5 a.m. the next morning. Police say the killing took place in a bedroom and that no one else was injured.


UPDATE: Decapitated Baby’s Mother Had Post-Partum Psychosis

By Associated Press July 28, 2009 3:46 pm


The father of a newborn baby who authorities say was mutilated, killed and cannibalized by his mother said Tuesday he wants to see her executed. Scott W. Buchholz told The Associated Press that Otty Sanchez, the mother of 3 1/2-week-old Scotty Wesley Buchholz-Sanchez, seemed fine in the days before the killing, even though they argued.

However, he said she told him she had been diagnosed with postpartum depression and was going to be admitted to a hospital for treatment.

Sanchez’s relatives told The San Antonio Express News that she had been diagnosed with postpartum psychosis, which can cause delusional thoughts and hallucinations.

Sanchez, 33, is charged with capital murder in the baby’s death and could face the death penalty. When authorities found the infant’s body Sunday, Sanchez told officers the devil made her do it, police said.

“She killed my son. She should burn in hell,” Buchholz said.

Otty Sanchez’s aunt, Gloria Sanchez, told The Associated Press that her niece had been “in and out” of a psychiatric ward, and that the hospital called several months ago to check up on her.

Sanchez was hospitalized Tuesday with self-inflicted stab wounds and was being held on $1 million bail. Police have said she does not have an attorney. Authorities found the baby with three of his toes chewed off, his face torn away and his head was severed.

Otty Sanchez’s sister and her sister’s two children, ages 5 and 7, were in the house at the time, but none were harmed.

Sanchez and Buchholz lived together during the pregnancy and the first two weeks after their son was born, he said. An infection complicated Sanchez’s recovery from giving birth, and she was required to use a catheter for about a week. That setback darkened her mood, and she was soon diagnosed with postpartum depression.

She moved out of the couple’s shared home July 20. On Saturday, she showed up to see Buchholz at his parents’ house. She became agitated when he told her he needed a copy of the baby’s birth certificateand Social Security card, Buchholz said.

Sanchez ran out of the home with her son in a car seat, threw the car seat into the front passenger seat of her car and sped away without buckling him in, the San Antonio Express-News reported. She left behind a diaper bag, her purse and her medication.

Buchholz’s mother called 911, and a sheriff’s deputy investigated the incident as a disturbance, according to court records. The next day, authorities said, she killed her son.

Officers called to Sanchez’s house at about 5 a.m. Sunday found her sitting on the couch screaming “I killed my baby! I killed my baby!” San Antonio Police Chief William McManus said.

McManus described the crime scene as so grisly that police officers barely spoke to each other while looking through the house.


Updated on July 27, 2009 at 5:09 p.m.

A woman charged with murdering her 3 1/2-week-old son used a knife and two swords to dismember the child and ate parts of his body, including his brain, before stabbing herself in the torso and slicing her own throat, police said Monday.

Otty Sanchez, 33, is charged with capital murder in the death of her infant son, Scott Wesley Buchholtz-Sanchez. She was recovering from her wounds at a hospital, and was being held on $1 million bail.

San Antonio Police Chief William McManus said the early Sunday morning attack occurred a week after the child’s father moved out. Otty Sanchez’s sister and her sister’s two children, ages 5 and 7, were in the house, but none were harmed.

Otty Sanchez’s aunt, Gloria Sanchez, said her niece had been “in and out” of a psychiatric ward, and that the hospital called several months ago looking to check up on her. She did not elaborate on the nature of her niece’s health problems.

“Otty didn’t mean to do that. She was not in her right mind,” a sobbing Gloria Sanchez told The Associated Press on Monday by phone. She said her family was devastated.

McManus, who appeared uncomfortable as he addressed reporters, said Sanchez apparently ate the child’s brain and some other body parts. She also decapitated the infant, tore off his face and chewed off three of his toes before stabbing herself.

“It’s too heinous for me to describe it any further,” McManus said.

McManus described the crime scene as so grisly that police officers barely spoke to each other while looking through the house. Parts of the child were missing, including pieces that Sanchez allegedly ate.

“At this particular scene you could have heard a pin drop,” McManus said. “No one was speaking. It was about as somber as it could have been.”

Officers called to Sanchez’s house at about 5 a.m. Sunday found her sitting on the couch screaming “I killed my baby! I killed my baby!” McManus said. They found the boy’s body in a bedroom.

Police said Sanchez said the devil told her to kill her son and that she was hearing voices.

“It was a spontaneous utterance,” McManus said.

ConversationswitCoyfee presents A Cheating Husband

In Cheating Husband-revengeful wife, Forgiveness, Uncategorized, women talk on July 29, 2009 at 11:59 am

boilingConversationswitCoyfee presents A Cheating Husband and the Results of It..



Well folks this is Coyfee. I ran across this story and decided to share it. In hopes that it can help both husbands and wives. Wives are probably saying that it was good for him. That is what he should get for cheating. However, (husbands)men are saying she is locked up. So (wives) if we can’t stay with the cheating husbands let’s just leave them alone.

This is Coyfee signing off…




Last updated: 9:00 am
July 28, 2009
Posted: 2:59 am
July 28, 2009

A Queens nurse allegedly channeled Lorena Bobbitt as she exacted revenge yesterday on her hubby for his infidelity.

The woman, feeling burned over her husband’s cheating, woke him up by pouring a “big pot” of scalding water over his genitals, the victim told The Post.

ojofeitimi“I was in bed, I was fast asleep . . . She came into the bedroom and poured hot water all over me,” Emmanuel “Ojo” Ojofeitimi, 67, said last night from his hospital bed, where he was being treated for second- and third-degree burns over 30 percent of his body.

“I didn’t know what had happened. By the time I woke up, the skin was falling off,” Ojofeitimi said.

“It sounded like a woman screaming,” a neighbor in their Springfield Gardens building said of the 6 a.m. attack.

Ojofeitimi’s wife, Oyindamola, 67, was charged with assault and harassment and was ordered held in lieu of $100,000 at her arraignment last night.

Her lawyer, Jennifer Michaelson, said Ojofeitimi “had a history of abusing her both physically and psychologically.”

A law-enforcement source said Oyindamola had been “upset about a recent infidelity.”

Ojofeitimi said his wife was wielding a large hunk of wood expecting that he would attack her after she scalded him.

“I don’t know whether she flipped out, or something happened . . . I didn’t anticipate this at all,” he said.

Ojofeitimi, a Nigerian immigrant and nurse himself who previously was vice president of patient-care services at New Island Hospital in Bethpage, LI, said his wife has been steaming about his cheating.

Despite his claims of being faithful lately, Oyindamola, who has four grown children with him, “never lets it go,” he said.

“She does not know how to forgive and forget; she doesn’t let anything go by,” he said. “If I come home late from work, she’s always assuming that I’m with a woman.”

But Ojofeitimi said his wife of 21 years, who is from Grenada, had never gotten violent before.

The attack echoed Bobbitt’s infamous assault on then-husband John Wayne Bobbitt, when she hacked off his penis as he slept.

“I just jumped up and called 911,” Ojofeitimi said.

He said Oyindamola put cold compresses on his burns, which ranged from his knees to his abdomen and also were on his arm, back and face. Ojofeitimi was taken to Nassau University Medical Center, where cops interviewed him and then arrested his wife.

But Ojofeitimi said, “I will file for divorce, but I don’t want her in jail.”

Additional reporting by Philip Messing, Laurie Kamens and Erin Calabrese

ConversationswitCoyfee presents Life In Jamacia

In homosexuality on July 21, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Gays In Jamacia Live in Fear

Hey Guys! This is Coyfee and as always, I was surfing and ran across this story.  I won’t offer much comment on the topic.  Accept I do not believe in cruelty to the homosexual community because first of all they are people.

Now concerning my beliefs, those are private unless you ask me. I will not make this post about me or my beliefs.  I will offer this Biblical verse as a scriptural reference. Romans 1:20-Romans 2. 

18For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;  19Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them.  20For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:  21Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.  22Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,  23And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.  24Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves25Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. 

 26For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:  27And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.  28And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;  29Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,  30Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,  31Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:  32Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

 I will however direct your attention to the post. I was shocked at the below advertisement. Read below ..Battyman(Jamacian word for homosexuals).

By Associated Press July 20, 2009 9:17 am

Even now, about three years after a near-fatal gay bashing, Sherman gets jittery at dusk. On bad days, his blood quickens, his eyes dart, and he seeks refuge indoors.

A group of men kicked him and slashed him with knives for being a “batty boy” — a slang term for gay men — after he left a party before dawn in October 2006. They sliced his throat, torso, and back, hissed anti-gay epithets, and left him for dead on a Kingston corner.

“It gets like five, six o’clock, my heart begins to race. I just need to go home, I start to get nervous,” said the 36-year-old outside the secret office of Jamaica’s sole gay rights group. Like many other gays, Sherman won’t give his full name for fear of retribution.

Despite the easygoing image propagated by tourist boards, gays and their advocates agree that Jamaica is by far the most hostile island toward homosexuals in the already conservative Caribbean. They say gays, typically those in poor communities, suffer frequent abuse. But they have little recourse because of rampant anti-gay stigma and a sodomy law banning sex between men in Jamaica and 10 other former British colonies in the Caribbean.

It is impossible to say just how common gay bashing attacks like the one against Sherman are in Jamaica — their tormentors are sometimes the police themselves. But many homosexuals in Jamaica say homophobia is pervasive across the sun-soaked island, from the pulpit to the floor of the Parliament.

Hostility toward gays has reached such a level that four months ago, gay advocates in New York City launched a short-lived boycott against Jamaica at the site of the Stonewall Inn, where demonstrations launched the gay-rights movement in 1969. In its 2008 report, the U.S. State Department also notes that gays have faced death and arson threats, and are hesitant to report incidents against them because of fear.

For gays, the reality of this enduring hostility is loneliness and fear, and sometimes even murder.

Andrew, a 36-year-old volunteer for an AIDS education program, said he was driven from the island after his ex-lover was killed for being gay — which police said was just a robbery gone wrong. He moved to the U.K. for several years, but returned to Jamaica in 2008 for personal reasons he declined to disclose.

“I’m living in fear on a day-to-day basis,” he said softly during a recent interview in Kingston. “In the community where my ex-lover was killed, people will say to me when I’m passing on the street, they will make remarks like ‘boom-boom-boom’ or ‘batty boy fi dead.’ I don’t feel free walking on the streets.”

Many in this highly Christian nation perceive homosexuality as a sin, and insist violence against gays is blown out of proportion by gay activists. Some say Jamaica tolerates homosexuality as long as it is not advertised — a tropical version of former President Bill Clinton’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for the U.S. military.

Jamaica’s most prominent evangelical pastor, Bishop Herro Blair, said he sympathizes with those who face intolerance, but that homosexuals themselves are actually behind most of the attacks reported against them.

“Among themselves, homosexuals are extremely jealous,” said Blair during a recent interview. “But some of them do cause a reaction by their own behaviors, for, in many people’s opinions, homosexuality is distasteful.”

Other church leaders have accused gays of flaunting their behavior to “recruit” youngsters, or called for them to undergo “redemptive work” to break free of their sexual orientation.

Perhaps playing to anti-gay constituents, politicians routinely rail against homosexuals. During a parliamentary session in February, lawmaker Ernest Smith of the rulingJamaica Labor Party stressed that gays were “brazen,” ”abusive,” and “violent,” and expressed anxiety that the police force was “overrun by homosexuals.”

A few weeks later, Prime Minister Bruce Golding described gay advocates as “perhaps the most organized lobby in the world” and vowed to keep Jamaica’s “buggery law” — punishable by 10 years — on the books. During a BBC interview last year, Golding vowed to never allow gays in his Cabinet.

The dread of homosexuality is so all-encompassing that many Jamaican men refuse to get digital rectal examinations for prostate cancer, even those whose disease is advanced, said Dr. Trevor Tulloch, a urology consultant at Andrews Memorial Hospital.

“Because it is a homophobic society, there’s such a fear of the sexual implications of having the exam that men won’t seek out help,” said Tulloch, adding Jamaica has a soaring rate of prostate cancer because men won’t be screened.

The anti-gay sentiment on this island of 2.8 million has perhaps become best known through Jamaican “dancehall,” a rap-reggae music hybrid that often has raunchy, violent themes. Some reggae rappers, including Bounty Killer and Elephant Man, depend on gay-bashing songs to rouse concert-goers.

“It stirs up the crowd to a degree that many performers feel they have to come up with an anti-gay song to incite the audience,” said Barry Chevannes, a professor of social anthropology at the University of the West Indies.

Brooklyn-based writer Staceyann Chin, a lesbian who fled her Caribbean homeland for New York more than a decade ago, stressed that violence in Jamaica is high — there were 1,611 killings last year, about 10 times more than the U.S. rate relative to population — but that it is “extraordinarily” high against gays.

“The macho ideal is celebrated, praised in Jamaica, while homosexuality is paralleled with pedophilia, rapists,” Chin said. “Markers that other people perceive as gay — they walk a certain way, wear tight pants, or are overly friendly with a male friend — make them targets. It’s a little pressure cooker waiting to pop.”

In 1996, when she was 20, Chin came out as lesbian on the Kingston UWI campus. She said she was ostracized by her peers, and one day was herded into a campus bathroom by a group of male students, who ripped off her clothes and sexually assaulted her.

“They told me what God wanted from me, that God made women to enjoy sex with men,” recalled Chin, a poet, performer and lecturer who closes her just-published memoir “The Other Side of Paradise” with her searing account of the attack.

Even in New York City, anti-gay Jamaican bigots sent her hate-filled e-mails after a 2007 appearance on Oprah Winfrey’s TV talk show to discuss homosexuality.

Chin said she doesn’t know if she would have the courage to come out now as a lesbian in Jamaica.

“The tensions are higher now. People are feeling very much that they have to declare camps,” she said.

Jamaican nationalism has always been tied in deeply with bugbears about masculinity, making for a “potent brew” where those who violate accepted standards of manliness are easy targets, said Scott Long of Human Rights Watch.

Long, head of a gay rights program at the New York-based group, pointed out that most other English-speaking islands in the region have tiny populations, where gays don’t come out and visible activism is limited.

“(But) what stands out about Jamaica is how absolutely, head-in-the-sand unwilling the authorities have been for years to acknowledge or address homophobic violence,” he said. “Most notably, three successive governments have completely, utterly, publicly refused even to talk about changing the buggery law — which expressly consigns gay people to second-class citizens and paints
targets on their backs.”

Prominent Jamaican political activist Yvonne McCalla Sobers noted that social standing still protects gay islanders, especially in Kingston, where a quest for privacy and the fear of crime has driven many to live behind gated walls with key pad entry systems, 24-hour security and closed-circuit television monitoring. People with power and money who are not obviously gay are often protected, she said.

“My thought is there are far more men having sex with men in this country than you would ever think is happening,” Sobers said.

Many gays from poorer areas in Jamaica say they congregate in private to find safety and companionship. Once a month, they have underground church services at revolving locations across the island.

Sherman, meanwhile, is simply trying to move on with his life. But he said he will always remember how, after his attack, patrolmen roughly lifted his bloodied body out of their squad car when a man admonished them for aiding a “batty boy.” A woman shamed them into driving him to a hospital; they stuffed him in the car’s trunk.

“Being gay in Jamaica, it’s like, don’t tell anybody. Just keep it to yourself,” he said evenly, with a half smile.

Please tell me what you thought of this post. Talk2Me..Leave me your comments..

Conversations wit Coyfee presents A Man in the Mirror-The B-Fade Story-Part 2

In Believer who falls into sin, Black Church, Christian Hip Hop, Entertainment, Forgiveness, Spiritual healing on July 8, 2009 at 7:41 am

Greetings Family

We have been spending time with Andre Woods AKA B-Fade. He is an extraodinary person as well as a minister of the Gospel. He has been sharing with us how his life was before Christ and even of the very personal struggles he faced after he accepted Christ as his Lord. When we left off he was sharing his feelings with us about times of lonliness and the struggle to abstain from sexual immorality. B-Fade was honest to expose his life as a new convert with all of the challenges he faced with money, shelter and also in relationships.

A Man in the Mirror-The B-Fade Story-Part 2

Let’s pick up where we left off with B-Fade telling us about how his first marriage began.

ConversationswitCoyfee: So B, I know you eventually got married. Tell us about how that all came about?

B-fade: The saint, who had rented me the studio, had two daughters. One of the young ladies, would bring me food. She knew I didn’t have a stove and I was impressed with her kindness. At this time, I was still searching for the woman who had my rib. Well, she was extremely kind and I again was lonely. I longed for a women to minister to me, in and out of bed. The thoughts would open the door to a relationship of fornication.

Late one night she came over and the events of that evening changed the nature of our relationship. Now in the meantime, I was still attending services, still seeking God for direction, but sneaking around with her. We had become comfortable with our relationship and would be out in the public often. So we would come up with these elaborate tales to cover the tracks which would often lead to spouts of fornication. However, after the dust would settle she would rush to tell the Elder what we had done. I however, was still sticking to tale we created. If she wasn’t in place they would assume she was with me. She seemed to want to get closer to God but after a few of her confessions, the Elder thought that I was the deterent. That I just didn’t care about the right way to do things. I really didn’t want to disobey them or the Bible but it was so hard not do it. Almost impossible to just abstain. I mean I got most of the blame but even when I would try not to be with her; she would want to. Then afterward she would go back to the Elder and confess for both of us. Then the Elder would come straight to me, telling me to leave her alone. He thought the counsel was working but it would happen again. There would be more than a few occurrences.

The minister would come back and each time the counsel would be more stern. The ministerial staff advise that her and I should stop seeing each other. They said that we both need to get closer to God so that we could build a foundation. We couldn’t seem to stop sinning long enough to hear what they were saying. We decided to refused the church’s counsel and continue to fornicate. As time passed the sermons from the pulpit would address the issues of sex outside of marriage. This became so intense that we both decided to get married and just be done with it.

My pastor refused to marry us and so we were married by my aunt behind the church’s back. We decided to just get married so people would leave us alone. I clearly knew that I didn’t love her and I believe she wasn’t in love with me either. There were problems in our marriage almost immediately. She and I both were being attacked by a spirit of lust which would open the door for adulterous activities later in the marriage. These activities created a violate home environment which eventually pushed me back to alcohol usage. We would struggle to stay together for about two years and the marriage would finally end in divorce.

ConversationswithCoyfee: After you two finally got married, how did adultery come in?

B-fade: There was a tragedy in her family and she was away helping make arraingements. During the time she was away she was spending time with another man. She later confessed that they had kissed and told me that her and him were over. However, she continued to see him for sometime. One of the youth from our church saw her with the young man and that’s how I knew that she was still seeing him. When I would come home, things had changed; she seemed depressed. She would say things like: she didn’t want to be with me anymore and just be out right mean. She would say stuff like that I was ugly and unattractive. Her rejection wounded me and made me more susceptible to the direction that enemy was pushing me towards (adultry).

I was in a group called Christian Brothas and we were invited to do a gospel play. While rehearsing for gospel play, I had met a really pretty lady. She was just being really nice to me and my wife was the absolute opposite. This girl and I were just friends but people were accusing us of sexual immorality. Which opened a dialogue concerning the gossip. We would meet up just to talk about the gossip and what people were saying about us. The next thing we knew we doing exactly what we had been accused of. I didn’t know it then but she lived right up the street from us(my wife and I). By now my wife had stop coming home and if she came it was clear she that she didn’t want to be there.

With the stress of all of this, I was really having a difficult time with the alcohol usage. My wife and I had been arguing when the police saw us. She was talking me back to the place that my car was left at. See a guy was killed directly in front of my car and so my car was a part of the crime scene. The cops arrested me because we were fighting in the car. Plus I was drinking people thought I was responsible for the guy’s murder.

ConversationswitCoyfee: Wow, a lot happened during that time. What do you believe caused you to loose focus?

B-fade: Me. My focus was on me and what I wanted. Not that what I wanted was all wrong but the manner in which I was getting it was. The relationships were not in accordance with the word. When the fire was turned up all sorts of things begin to rise up such as the continual battle with a disease called Alcoholism.

Do you battle with Alcoholism or maybe another drug addiction? Woud you like prayer? Email me and leave your contact information. We will contact you for prayer.

ConversationswitCoyfee discusses The Differences in Repentance and Confession of Sin

In Believer who falls into sin, Black Church, Forgiveness, Spiritual healing on July 6, 2009 at 12:12 pm

The Difference in Repentance and Confession

Hello Family

What is the difference between Repentance and Confession of Sin?

I awoke with a very clear understanding on the topic of confession and repentance. Many Christian scholars stated that Confession comes before repentance. They will tell you that God is faithful enough to forgive you if you confess your sins.

Well what happens if you commit the same sin again? A friend and I were talking about this issue. She stated that if you continue to live in sin you are not sold out to God. I really didn’t argue that point but I stated that David, one of my favorite patriarchs, sinned often, yet “God stated that David was a man after his own heart. Samuel 13:13-15.”

I wondered about a lot of things, for example; the scripture that states if we confess ours sins he removes them and remembers them no more…Isaiah 43:25 I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins. Well, if he remembers the sinful behavior no more, how does God know that we have committed the same sinful behavior before? That one is still stewing. We as a people of God spend far too much time focusing on our failures. We are so sin conscious that we can not see the power of God in everyday life.

As I napped this afternoon, I know that the spirit of God was helping me to understand what Confession is. “Confession is the admittance of sin; Encarta Dictionary: English (North American): an admission of having done something wrong or embarrassing; verbal statement admitting the commission of a crime.”

Ponder examples of everyday life..We should allow people to come to God just as they are..This is as it should be. Remember, that Jesus calls us while we are deep in sin. He does not demand that we give up anything to come to him but he knows that once we become immersed in his goodness, we will desire to change. He will not disqualify us because we look and smell like the world. He will draw us closer to him for He longs for us to long for Him.

We the (Saved Al readies) begin to judge them. They are not changing fast enough. They still smell like the stench of this world. They are still living in sinful relationships, they are still drinking the devil’s drink, they are still smoking the herbs of the earth. How can they think that God can love them. They do not look like nor sound like what we do, Saved Al readies. Confession is to admit that you are wrong. Confession does not require you to stop doing that which is wrong. The scripture states that if you are faithful enough to confess your sin then God is faithful and just to forgive you..” period. We should not add anything else to this point.

Now Repentance, to feel regret about a sin or past actions and change your ways or habits. This is paramount. We must be spiritually wise enough to be able to sense who Jesus is talking to when he is dictating the Holy Scriptures. Confession, is the admission of sin. Confession is to acknowledge bad behavior or a negative act. Repentance, I believe is being sorrowful and desiring a change. To repent takes the Goodness of God. How will someone know that God is good? Well by the love that is shown to them in Christ Jesus. The love of the Saints seen as gentle patience. This weak one gains strength to stand against what used to weigh him or her down. Scripture tells us in Romans, it is the Goodness of God (Romans 2:4-11) that brings a man to repentance. Understand, not the brow beating of other saints that are disgusted with the look of delayed progression.

It is for the Spirit of God to begin to gently tear that behavior away from them. Now, keep in mind that the Holy Spirit knows the heart of man. He knows those that sincerely desire to walk with God though they have a limp. There were those who desired to follow God with everything that they have, because they love him. They walked slower than the rest because they have been injured in their fight for freedom. Yet, they were still walking, or crawling, and in some cases were being carried. They were determined to follow him.

Many of them looked like the world. There were not dressed for the part but still they came. They cried out to Jesus to change them everyday and every night. They read their bibles daily. They didn’t eat at all to slay their flesh. All this they did and still some fell back. Did we reach out to them? Did we do all that we could to attempt to save some? The answer is NO! We have become religious and callous. We have become the people we use to hate. When we first came to Christ, many of us were beat down by rules and regulations. Some of us were kicked out of churches because we did not dress right. Some of us were kicked out because of where we lived or we lived with. Is it not amazing that we have become what we had hated? How does God protect those, his little children? They are His prodigal children. He blinds many of them to the ways of the church. This will keep them coming so that the anointing can begin to do what we thought we could do thru talking. I have a News Flash for you! The only way to set a person free is thru the anointing of the Spirit of God.

You can talk until you are blue in the face but if you are not anointed you should shut up. God will begin to mend the tears generated by the world, the church, and the enemy piece by piece. He (Holy Spirit) begins to place himself where there used to be other things. He begins to reveal more and more of himself to them. The more of him they see the more of him they want. Are they perfect yet? NO, but neither are we. We the Saints or the Saved Al readies, sin daily either by thought or deed.

Why then does not every person, confess their sins and repent of their sinful behavior? I believe a lot of that is because of us, the Saved Al readies. We can be really mean and short cited. We will throw the baby and the bath water out together.
Now, I am not stating that we should not teach from the Bible, whole the truth. However, we should not teach our opinion, nor our interpretation, but just the word of God. His word has healed many a broken spirits. He, who is the potter, knows how to gently press out the blemishes that have marred our precious souls. He softly places us on the pottery board to adjust our damaged inner parts. He can repair us all. No matter what activity or life style we chose before we knew him. He can and will repair us.