Posts Tagged ‘identity crisis’

ConversationswitCoyfee presents A Tragedy:Symbol of Unhealed Congo: Male Rape Victims-In Congo

In A Man's Point Of View, Africia, Child abuse, homosexuality, Symbol of Unhealed Congo: Male Rape Victims, Uncategorized, Violence Against Males, women talk on August 8, 2009 at 2:11 pm

This story maybe one of the saddest ones that I have posted in weeks.  The issue of men being raped in a country where homosexuality is such a taboo is heartwrenching.  Please read below..

Coyfee signing off…


Symbol of Unhealed Congo: Male Rape Victims

Jehad Nga for The New York Times

Clockwise from top left, Kazungu Ziwa, Shabani Lufuno, Ngabu Bita and Matata Badoda. All are Congolese men who were recently raped and agreed to be photographed. More Photos >

Published: August 4, 2009
GOMA, Congo — It was around 11 p.m. when armed men burst into Kazungu Ziwa’s hut, put a machete to his throat and yanked down his pants. Mr. Ziwa is a tiny man, about four feet, six inches tall. He tried to fight back, but said he was quickly beaten down.

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Jehad Nga for The New York Times

A camp for internally displaced people in Rutshuru. More than 500,000 Congolese have been driven from their homes. More Photos »

The New York Times

For years, eastern Congo has been a reservoir of atrocities. More Photos >

“Then they raped me,” he said. “It was horrible, physically. I was dizzy. My thoughts just left me.”

For years, the thickly forested hills and clear, deep lakes of eastern Congo have been a reservoir of atrocities. Now, it seems, there is another growing problem: men raping men.

According to Oxfam, Human Rights Watch, United Nations officials and several Congolese aid organizations, the number of men who have been raped has risen sharply in recent months, a consequence of joint Congo-Rwanda military operations against rebels that have uncapped an appalling level of violence against civilians.

Aid workers struggle to explain the sudden spike in male rape cases. The best answer, they say, is that the sexual violence against men is yet another way for armed groups to humiliate and demoralize Congolese communities into submission.

The United Nations already considers eastern Congo the rape capital of the world, and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton is expected to hear from survivors on her visit to the country next week. Hundreds of thousands of women have been sexually assaulted by the various warring militias haunting these hills, and right now this area is going through one of its bloodiest periods in years.

The joint military operations that began in January between Rwanda and Congo, David and Goliath neighbors who were recently bitter enemies, were supposed to end the murderous rebel problem along the border and usher in a new epoch of cooperation and peace. Hopes soared after the quick capture of a renegade general who had routed government troops and threatened to march across the country.

But aid organizations say that the military maneuvers have provoked horrific revenge attacks, with more than 500,000 people driven from their homes, dozens of villages burned and hundreds of villagers massacred, including toddlers thrown into open fires.

And it is not just the rebels being blamed. According to human rights groups, soldiers from the Congolese Army are executing civilians, raping women and conscripting villagers to lug their food, ammunition and gear into the jungle. It is often a death march through one of Africa’s lushest, most stunning tropical landscapes, which has also been the scene of a devastatingly complicated war for more than a decade.

“From a humanitarian and human rights perspective, the joint operations are disastrous,” said Anneke Van Woudenberg, a researcher for Human Rights Watch.

The male rape cases span several hundred miles and possibly include hundreds of victims. The American Bar Association, which runs a sexual violence legal clinic in Goma, said that more than 10 percent of its cases in June were men.

Brandi Walker, an aid worker at Panzi hospital in nearby Bukavu, said, “Everywhere we go, people say men are getting raped, too.”

But nobody knows the exact number. Men here, like anywhere, are reluctant to come forward. Several who did said they instantly became castaways in their villages, lonely, ridiculed figures, derisively referred to as “bush wives.”

Since being raped several weeks ago, Mr. Ziwa, 53, has not shown much interest in practicing animal medicine, his trade for years. He limps around (his left leg was crushed in the attack) in a soiled white lab coat with “veterinaire” printed on it in red pen, carrying a few biscuit-size pills for dogs and sheep.

“Just thinking about what happened to me makes me tired,” he said.

The same is true for Tupapo Mukuli, who said he was pinned down on his stomach and gang-raped in his cassava patch seven months ago. Mr. Mukuli is now the lone man in the rape ward at Panzi hospital, which is filled with hundreds of women recovering from rape-related injuries. Many knit clothes and weave baskets to make a little money while their bodies heal.

But Mr. Mukuli is left out.

“I don’t know how to make baskets,” he said. So he spends his days sitting on a bench, by himself.

The male rape cases are still just a fraction of those against women. But for the men involved, aid workers say, it is even harder to bounce back.

“Men’s identity is so connected to power and control,” Ms. Walker said.

And in a place where homosexuality is so taboo, the rapes carry an extra dose of shame.

“I’m laughed at,” Mr. Mukuli said. “The people in my village say: ‘You’re no longer a man. Those men in the bush made you their wife.’ ”

Aid workers here say the humiliation is often so severe that male rape victims come forward only if they have urgent health problems, like stomach swelling or continuous bleeding. Sometimes even that is not enough. Ms. Van Woudenberg said that two men whose penises were cinched with rope died a few days later because they were too embarrassed to seek help. Castrations also seem to be increasing, with more butchered men showing up at major hospitals.

Last year, Congo’s rape epidemic appeared to be easing a bit, with fewer cases reported and some rapists jailed. But today, it seems like that thin veneer of law and order has been stripped away. The way villagers describe it, it is open season on civilians.

Muhindo Mwamurabagiro, a tall, graceful woman with long, strong arms, explained how she was walking to the market with friends when they were suddenly surrounded by a group of naked men.

“They grabbed us by the throat and threw us down and raped us,” she said.

Worse, she said, one of the rapists was from her village.

“I yelled, ‘Father of Kondo, I know you, how can you do this?’ ”

One mother said a United Nations peacekeeper raped her 12-year-old boy. A United Nations spokesman said that he had not heard that specific case but that there were indeed a number of new sexual abuse allegations against peacekeepers in Congo and that a team was sent in late July to investigate.

Congolese health professionals are becoming exasperated. Many argue for a political solution, not a military one, and say Western powers should put more pressure on Rwanda, which is widely accused of preserving its own stability by keeping the violence on the other side of the border.

“I understand the world feels guilty about what happened in Rwanda in 1994,” said Denis Mukwege, the lead doctor at Panzi Hospital, referring to Rwanda’s genocide. “But shouldn’t the world feel guilty about what’s happening in Congo today?”

ConversationswitCoyfee presents Christian Sex Education: Every Christian’s Favorite Secret Sin-Masterbation

In Every Christian’s Favorite Secret Sin-Masterbation on August 8, 2009 at 1:45 pm

The below topic is such a touchy one that most people will not discuss it, at all.

I must acknowlegde that attempting to live single and not sin is always  now and has been the greatest of challenges.  However most will not accept that masterbation is wrong.  The writer below goes in depth about this subject and I thought it was good reading.  Let me know your opinions on the subject..

Coyfee signing off… 

Every Christian’s Favorite Secret Sin

By Stuart McDonald August 6, 2009 9:30 am


{Authors Note: This was an intensely personal post for me to write. This is something I have struggled for over 13 years. I feel this topic is taboo in the church but needs to be addressed. This will undoubtedly hit a lot of people the wrong way, but that’s fine. I feel it entirely necessary to share. Be warned, this is a mature topic.}

Christian men and women do it. Some nearly every day. So do teenagers. Singles enjoy it. Married folks do it as well. The elders of the church and pastors might even do it. Yet no one wants to talk about it. Most won’t admit to it. The church rarely addresses it.

I’m talking about masturbation. Yes, that’s right… Christians masturbate. Whether we use a dildo, a blow up doll, a vibrator, or your left and right hand, the result is the same. Anytime we cause ourselves to orgasm in a manner outside of God’s original intent, we sin. This sin, masturbation, has turned into the Christian’s dirty little secret.

Our hands were designed by God to build. But we’ve perverted that purpose to bring us a temporal pleasure. Our hands were not made to beat our bodies or to stimulate ourselves to the point of orgasm, where, as men, we spill our seed, our future family. When we ejaculate, we put our future family in the toilet, on a towel or tissue, or in our pants. In doing so, we say to God,”I don’t value the ability you’ve given me to perpetuate a Godly legacy.” We fail realize there are children who will never have been born all because we wanted to pleasure ourselves.

Most view masturbation as a private sin, done where no one can see. However, as believers, God dwells inside each one of us. Our bodies become His temple. Do you think the Holy Spirit turns a blind eye when we decide to gratify our fleshly urges, lusts, and desires?  Do you think God “takes 5” when we decide to take our 5 fingers and bring ourselves to an orgasm? Absolutely not! He is forced to sit and watch while we sin! Can you imagine how that breaks his heart?

In the Old Testament, you would either die or be cut off from the Presence of God if the sacrifice you presented was damaged or unacceptable. While we no longer bring sacrifices in that manner, because Jesus Christ was the ultimate sacrifice and atonement for our sins, the principle remains the same. We are to “offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, dedicated to God and pleasing to Him.” We’d be foolish to expect God to accept our sacrifice when we’ve chosen to pervert God’s design by violating our own bodies.

And yet, day after day, week after week, we offer the sacrifice of praise and worship with clapping and lifting of our hands. We lay our hands on others during prayer. We hold our Bibles & turn the pages of His Word. We pat, dap, hug & shake hands with our friends; blessing and encouraging them in the Lord. Then we leave our churches, our small group meetings, and go home and pleasure ourselves with those very same hands!

“Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? Who shall stand in his holy presence? He who has CLEAN HANDS and a pure heart.” How can we have clean hands when they’ve been used to beat ourselves, to defile and demean our own bodies? Our bodies, His dwelling place, are no longer clean. We say our hearts & minds are set towards God, yet behind closed doors, it’s a different story.

The good news is, like every temptation we face, God has made a way of escape. You have to examine when you’re most likely to fall into the trap and avoid those situations at all cost. Identify both your emotional and circumstantial triggers. It could be when you’re lonely, tired, angry, or sad. Maybe it’s late at night flipping through the channels, or surfing the net, when you’re bored. Perhaps it’s after you’ve had a fight with a friend or a long day at work. Whatever the case, it’s crucial to recognize when you’re vulnerable. You need to find accountability with another person of the same sex. You are not the only person facing this issue. If you need to get some software, XXX Church, based in Las Vegas has incredible resources.

Do whatever it takes! You can never fall off the edge if you don’t get close. If you see your emotional and circumstantial triggers arise, quickly turn in the other direction. Please know I am not condemning anyone. I have been there, done that. Literally. It’s only by the grace of God, day by day, that I don’t fall. I am making myself an open book to you.

{Note: Portions of the third paragraph are paraphrased from the “Blinded By the Booty” message, taught by Dr. Bryan E Crute, Destiny Metropolitan Worship Church, 1775 Water Place, Atlanta GA 30339. Scripture references are Romans 12 & Psalm 24}

For more from Stuart McDonald, check out his personal blog and follow him on Twitter

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ConversationswitCoyfee presents Life In Jamacia

In homosexuality on July 21, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Gays In Jamacia Live in Fear

Hey Guys! This is Coyfee and as always, I was surfing and ran across this story.  I won’t offer much comment on the topic.  Accept I do not believe in cruelty to the homosexual community because first of all they are people.

Now concerning my beliefs, those are private unless you ask me. I will not make this post about me or my beliefs.  I will offer this Biblical verse as a scriptural reference. Romans 1:20-Romans 2. 

18For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;  19Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them.  20For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:  21Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.  22Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,  23And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.  24Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves25Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. 

 26For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:  27And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.  28And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;  29Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,  30Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,  31Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:  32Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

 I will however direct your attention to the post. I was shocked at the below advertisement. Read below ..Battyman(Jamacian word for homosexuals).

By Associated Press July 20, 2009 9:17 am

Even now, about three years after a near-fatal gay bashing, Sherman gets jittery at dusk. On bad days, his blood quickens, his eyes dart, and he seeks refuge indoors.

A group of men kicked him and slashed him with knives for being a “batty boy” — a slang term for gay men — after he left a party before dawn in October 2006. They sliced his throat, torso, and back, hissed anti-gay epithets, and left him for dead on a Kingston corner.

“It gets like five, six o’clock, my heart begins to race. I just need to go home, I start to get nervous,” said the 36-year-old outside the secret office of Jamaica’s sole gay rights group. Like many other gays, Sherman won’t give his full name for fear of retribution.

Despite the easygoing image propagated by tourist boards, gays and their advocates agree that Jamaica is by far the most hostile island toward homosexuals in the already conservative Caribbean. They say gays, typically those in poor communities, suffer frequent abuse. But they have little recourse because of rampant anti-gay stigma and a sodomy law banning sex between men in Jamaica and 10 other former British colonies in the Caribbean.

It is impossible to say just how common gay bashing attacks like the one against Sherman are in Jamaica — their tormentors are sometimes the police themselves. But many homosexuals in Jamaica say homophobia is pervasive across the sun-soaked island, from the pulpit to the floor of the Parliament.

Hostility toward gays has reached such a level that four months ago, gay advocates in New York City launched a short-lived boycott against Jamaica at the site of the Stonewall Inn, where demonstrations launched the gay-rights movement in 1969. In its 2008 report, the U.S. State Department also notes that gays have faced death and arson threats, and are hesitant to report incidents against them because of fear.

For gays, the reality of this enduring hostility is loneliness and fear, and sometimes even murder.

Andrew, a 36-year-old volunteer for an AIDS education program, said he was driven from the island after his ex-lover was killed for being gay — which police said was just a robbery gone wrong. He moved to the U.K. for several years, but returned to Jamaica in 2008 for personal reasons he declined to disclose.

“I’m living in fear on a day-to-day basis,” he said softly during a recent interview in Kingston. “In the community where my ex-lover was killed, people will say to me when I’m passing on the street, they will make remarks like ‘boom-boom-boom’ or ‘batty boy fi dead.’ I don’t feel free walking on the streets.”

Many in this highly Christian nation perceive homosexuality as a sin, and insist violence against gays is blown out of proportion by gay activists. Some say Jamaica tolerates homosexuality as long as it is not advertised — a tropical version of former President Bill Clinton’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for the U.S. military.

Jamaica’s most prominent evangelical pastor, Bishop Herro Blair, said he sympathizes with those who face intolerance, but that homosexuals themselves are actually behind most of the attacks reported against them.

“Among themselves, homosexuals are extremely jealous,” said Blair during a recent interview. “But some of them do cause a reaction by their own behaviors, for, in many people’s opinions, homosexuality is distasteful.”

Other church leaders have accused gays of flaunting their behavior to “recruit” youngsters, or called for them to undergo “redemptive work” to break free of their sexual orientation.

Perhaps playing to anti-gay constituents, politicians routinely rail against homosexuals. During a parliamentary session in February, lawmaker Ernest Smith of the rulingJamaica Labor Party stressed that gays were “brazen,” ”abusive,” and “violent,” and expressed anxiety that the police force was “overrun by homosexuals.”

A few weeks later, Prime Minister Bruce Golding described gay advocates as “perhaps the most organized lobby in the world” and vowed to keep Jamaica’s “buggery law” — punishable by 10 years — on the books. During a BBC interview last year, Golding vowed to never allow gays in his Cabinet.

The dread of homosexuality is so all-encompassing that many Jamaican men refuse to get digital rectal examinations for prostate cancer, even those whose disease is advanced, said Dr. Trevor Tulloch, a urology consultant at Andrews Memorial Hospital.

“Because it is a homophobic society, there’s such a fear of the sexual implications of having the exam that men won’t seek out help,” said Tulloch, adding Jamaica has a soaring rate of prostate cancer because men won’t be screened.

The anti-gay sentiment on this island of 2.8 million has perhaps become best known through Jamaican “dancehall,” a rap-reggae music hybrid that often has raunchy, violent themes. Some reggae rappers, including Bounty Killer and Elephant Man, depend on gay-bashing songs to rouse concert-goers.

“It stirs up the crowd to a degree that many performers feel they have to come up with an anti-gay song to incite the audience,” said Barry Chevannes, a professor of social anthropology at the University of the West Indies.

Brooklyn-based writer Staceyann Chin, a lesbian who fled her Caribbean homeland for New York more than a decade ago, stressed that violence in Jamaica is high — there were 1,611 killings last year, about 10 times more than the U.S. rate relative to population — but that it is “extraordinarily” high against gays.

“The macho ideal is celebrated, praised in Jamaica, while homosexuality is paralleled with pedophilia, rapists,” Chin said. “Markers that other people perceive as gay — they walk a certain way, wear tight pants, or are overly friendly with a male friend — make them targets. It’s a little pressure cooker waiting to pop.”

In 1996, when she was 20, Chin came out as lesbian on the Kingston UWI campus. She said she was ostracized by her peers, and one day was herded into a campus bathroom by a group of male students, who ripped off her clothes and sexually assaulted her.

“They told me what God wanted from me, that God made women to enjoy sex with men,” recalled Chin, a poet, performer and lecturer who closes her just-published memoir “The Other Side of Paradise” with her searing account of the attack.

Even in New York City, anti-gay Jamaican bigots sent her hate-filled e-mails after a 2007 appearance on Oprah Winfrey’s TV talk show to discuss homosexuality.

Chin said she doesn’t know if she would have the courage to come out now as a lesbian in Jamaica.

“The tensions are higher now. People are feeling very much that they have to declare camps,” she said.

Jamaican nationalism has always been tied in deeply with bugbears about masculinity, making for a “potent brew” where those who violate accepted standards of manliness are easy targets, said Scott Long of Human Rights Watch.

Long, head of a gay rights program at the New York-based group, pointed out that most other English-speaking islands in the region have tiny populations, where gays don’t come out and visible activism is limited.

“(But) what stands out about Jamaica is how absolutely, head-in-the-sand unwilling the authorities have been for years to acknowledge or address homophobic violence,” he said. “Most notably, three successive governments have completely, utterly, publicly refused even to talk about changing the buggery law — which expressly consigns gay people to second-class citizens and paints
targets on their backs.”

Prominent Jamaican political activist Yvonne McCalla Sobers noted that social standing still protects gay islanders, especially in Kingston, where a quest for privacy and the fear of crime has driven many to live behind gated walls with key pad entry systems, 24-hour security and closed-circuit television monitoring. People with power and money who are not obviously gay are often protected, she said.

“My thought is there are far more men having sex with men in this country than you would ever think is happening,” Sobers said.

Many gays from poorer areas in Jamaica say they congregate in private to find safety and companionship. Once a month, they have underground church services at revolving locations across the island.

Sherman, meanwhile, is simply trying to move on with his life. But he said he will always remember how, after his attack, patrolmen roughly lifted his bloodied body out of their squad car when a man admonished them for aiding a “batty boy.” A woman shamed them into driving him to a hospital; they stuffed him in the car’s trunk.

“Being gay in Jamaica, it’s like, don’t tell anybody. Just keep it to yourself,” he said evenly, with a half smile.

Please tell me what you thought of this post. Talk2Me..Leave me your comments..

ConversationswitCoyfee presents A Man’s Version Of the Dating Game

In A man's Version of the Dating Game, Dating and the Single Woman, How to successfully date, women talk on July 21, 2009 at 2:03 am

What If He Doesn’t Call

I was browsing a online dating site and ran across this piece. I must admit it was an interesting read.  So I thought I would share it with you.  Let me know how you feel about..

The author’s name is Christian Carter. I have included his links below. Check out his site. What if he is right? What if Carter’s concept really works..then it could really shed light on the mysterious “Man”. I know from experience the mysterious “Man” has confused me along the way. Guys often say we(women) are confusing..most of them(guys) never studied themselves..Smile

Let me know if you would like more info on dating and single life?

On to Carter’s advice..Coyfee signing off..  


Note: When a man doesn’t call you much, or he
stops calling altogether, he’s sending a clear
message about his feelings and about what he
thinks of you. But most women don’t know what
this message means… and what to do about it.
If you’ve dated a man and he suddenly stopped
calling after a few great dates, and you didn’t
know what to do about it, then read THIS: 

Ever wonder why the man you’re dating and
having an amazing time with doesn’t call you
very often?

 Or worse… stops calling altogether?

If you’ve ever had this happen to you with
a man, then you know how FRUSTRATING it can
be when a man just suddenly stops calling
for what seems like no good reason…

And you’ve spent more time than you’d like
to admit wondering what happened and what YOU
might have done wrong.

Most women in this situation fall into a
kind of trap that seems to work against them…

 Instead of recognizing that the man not
calling is an important signal in of itself,
they become obsessed with wanting to know what
he’s thinking and WHY he’s acting this way.

But most women also know on an intuitive
level that coming out and actually asking a
man why he’s acting this way wouldn’t bring
about anything good.

And guess what?

Their intuition is right.

With most men in this situation, if you
want to connect with a man and grow closer,
then the answer is NOT to try and get him to
talk about his thoughts and feelings.

It’s time you learned what it really means
if a man isn’t calling… and what to do
about it to quickly “turn the tables” in your
favor so that he’s the one calling and asking
you out.

I’ll share this with you, but first I want
you to read this email I got recently from a
reader about this exact kind of situation.


First of all I think you are great and have
learned a lot from reading your book. I am
divorced and have been dating a widower for about
a month. We get together once or twice a week – I
don’t expect more than that – as he lives about
half an hour away from me. Our dates are great and
there is a definite physical attraction on both
sides. My problem is that in-between dates I don’t
hear from him. I know that he works hard and is
bringing up 3 children on his own – but how long
does it take to pick up the phone and ask me how
I am? Am I asking too much? Is it too soon to
expect anything? I don’t want to complain and
frighten him off, as I really like him. What do
you suggest?

Looking forward to hearing from you
R.J. from Illinois


Ok, let me get the facts straight here…

You’ve been out with a man for an entire
month. (Not long at all, and effectively NO
TIME in a man’s mind)

You’ve seen each other once or twice a week
or so for 3-4 whole weeks. (Not even enough for
a man to see you as “dating”)

    And you know he is busy and raising three
young children on his own. (His attention and
focus is admittedly elsewhere.)

But in just a few dates you’ve already become
disappointed and “bothered” by the way he’s
being… and you’re wishing he would CHANGE.


This is bad for YOU, and for him.

The approach and mindset you have right now
is almost guaranteed to make this man see you
as too demanding and “needy” to want to be with
you, when it’s just a few weeks in.

So I hope you haven’t started talking
about all your feelings of disappointment with
him yet.. because it wouldn’t go over well
with the way you’re looking at things.

But here’s the worst part of all this…

You already have my eBook and you’re still
asking me for the “easy” answer on this, as
though there is some magic pill I can give you
that will make a man act the way you want or
expect him to be.

I’d like to be able to lie and tell you
that I could change a man for you.

But I can’t… and you know it.

The truth is, I’ve only got YOU to work
with… and you’ve only got YOUR OWN thinking
and your own behavior that you can use to
make a difference.

It’s time you started thinking about how
you can take RESPONSIBILITY for creating the
RESPONSE you want in a man…

Instead of sitting around frustrated that
he hasn’t met YOUR EXPECTATIONS you have for
him. (Especially when he doesn’t even know
what these are.)

You need to open up my eBook and go to
page 32. There I want you to read the section
called “Initial Thoughts” at least twice
and think about what’s going on there.

I want you to think about the 2 types
of people I talk about… and the kind of
“magic mindset” that’s going to help you
naturally start creating great situations
in your life.

Then I want you to think about how this
relates to the idea of COMMUNICATING with
a man in a way that creates ATTRACTION
inside of him.

As opposed to communicating with a man in
the way that KILLS the attraction he might
be feeling for you.

Once you’ve thought about this, I want
you to go to page 36 and read the section
on “How To Be Honest About What You Want.”

Pay attention here to the 4 important
questions you need to ask yourself BEFORE
you get involved with a man, or start talking
about your relationship with him.

And make sure you learn and understand
what I call “a unique habit of happy people.”

If you could apply this one simple habit
to your love life, I know it would immediately
give back to you the kind of understanding
and satisfaction you’re seeking but not meant
to get yet from the man you’re dating. (Hint –
there’s a reason why you and he aren’t totally
“connecting” yet, and it’s NOT all about him.)

 And by the way, you can download a free
trial copy of my eBook at the link below right
now, and be reading it in just a few minutes

Download and read my eBook here right now: 

Now, you’ve also asked a great question in
your email…

 “Am I asking for too much from him?”

Simply put – YES. You’re asking for too
much because you shouldn’t be ASKING HIM for
what you want and then hoping that he “meets
your demands.”

This is a LOSING APPROACH that will 100%
guarantee that a man won’t want to give you
what you’re looking for.


Well, it’s not because you actually are
asking for too much.

It’s OK to know that you’d like a man in
your life who you’re involved with to call
you more.

But this isn’t about whether this is ok
for you to ask for.

No. This is all about THE WAY you ask,
and the emotions and expectations a man will
see that you’re holding onto when you open
your mouth and you’ve been going through a
whole lot of disappointment and frustration
with him… while he’s thinking that you’ve
been out on a few fun dates and everything is
fine and dandy.


Here’s something you might not have thought

Men often communicate and show their
feelings in less “direct” ways than simply
saying and expressing how the feel.

In fact, most men are a whole lot more
conscious of DOING things than they are of
how they effect and relate to others on an
emotional level.

So… when a man doesn’t call, it’s often
NOT an indication of something else going on
for him that he might want to talk to you

Often times it’s simply an indication that
he doesn’t actually FEEL like spending more
time around you.

So he simply doesn’t call.

In other words, when it comes to men and
dating, it’s best to look at a man’s ACTIONS
how they really feel inside.

As a woman, you can probably spin your
wheels dreaming up all kinds of incredible
and elaborate ideas and scenarios for why
a man isn’t calling and what it means about
his feelings and your situation.

 But, if you’re interested in doing more
than analyzing and trying to figure out things
in your own mind… then it’s best to “read”
the men you’re dating early on by what they
DO… and NOT what they SAY.

 Which means… a man not calling you often,
or at all, is an important signal in and of

 If a man is spending time with a woman
he “likes”, but he isn’t sure if he would want
much more than a few casual dates with her…
then here’s what he does…

He only calls her every once in a while to
keep the “connection” open… making sure not
to let the connection die, but also making
sure not to spend too much time with a woman
or show her too many signs of interest that
might indicate he’d want a more serious

And yes, some men actually think this way
and are CONSCIOUS about NOT CALLING women
very often if they don’t want things to get
more serious.

While other men who don’t call are usually
doing this inadvertently as they’re going
about their life and not thinking much about
wanting more with a woman.

Here’s what you need to take away from
all this…

If a man isn’t calling and you’d like him
to call more and to grow in your relationship
together, it really doesn’t matter WHY.

The only things that matter are if he’s
not calling because he’s not interested in a
relationship with you ever.


If  he’s not calling because he’s just not
feeling “that way” for you YET.

Which begs the question – how do you get
a man feeling “that way” for you if he’s not
feeling it yet?

Well, for starters, you need to STOP doing
the things that will promise that a man WON’T
feel it for you.


Or getting upset and hurt that he hasn’t
called when there’s no “relationship” yet,
and it’s just YOUR EXPECTATION that he SHOULD
call more.

Or generally taking on any other needy,
clingy, or overly emotional behaviors that
will have a man thinking you’d be nothing
but a pain if he was to get to know you and
involved in a real relationship with you.

What you need to do instead is to start
to learn the behaviors that create the
feeling of ATTRACTION inside a man.

Why attraction?

Because attraction is the one thing that
will “override” all the logical reasons a
man has for NOT wanting to get involved with
a woman or stay single…

 And will take over his “emotional world”
and have him thinking and acting from his
EMOTIONS with you… instead of his “logical
mind” that will often try to RESIST a woman
and a real committed relationship.

The very best way there is to learn how
attraction works for a man and quickly start
using works with men to create a deep level of
LASTING ATTRACTION inside the man you’re dating
is to get a copy of my “Natural & Lasting
Attraction” CD/DVD program.

In this program I show you 6 Keys to
Lasting Attraction with a man you need to
know about if you want a man to see you as
the only woman he wants to be with.

 If you don’t know about these critical
6 Keys To Lasting Attraction, then you’re
going to struggle with a man eventually.
It could be when he shows up in a few
months or years and says, “I love you, but I’m
not IN LOVE with you.”

Or when he loses his physical interest in
you and you know your not “connecting” the
way you used to… and you worry he might
be thinking about or seeing another woman.

The truth is, if you learn how to keep
that intense level of attraction ALIVE in
your relationship… and you know how to
make a man feel attracted to you on a physical,
emotional, and “intellectual” level, then
your relationship with him will largely take
care of itself.

  If you want to learn how to create an
intense level of attraction in a man… and
keep it going, then you need to try out my
“Natural & Lasting Attraction” program on CD
or DVD right now.

It’s here: 

 I’m so confident that this program can
and will show you everything you need to
know about making a man feel that amazing
“something” that he knows he can’t experience
with any other woman that I’ll even ship it
to you and let you try it out for an entire
30 days free.

 Try it, decide if you like it, and if you
keep it I’ll bill you in a few small easy

But best of all… your love life and the
way men respond to you will change for the
better FOREVER.

Go here now to read all the details about
what you’ll learn in this program, and watch
some free sample video clips from the program: 

And if you’re struggling with the level of
sharing and COMMUNICATION you have with the
man in your life, or in your past relationships,
and you’d like to learn what it really takes
to CONNECT with a man on a deeper level than
you ever had before… then I’ve got good news.

There are several SECRETS to communicating
with men I’ve already shared with thousands of
other women that have literally TRANSFORMED
their lives and their relationship in a matter
of days.

Wouldn’t it be AMAZING if instead of taking
the time and effort to share how you feel with
a man and have him not really LISTEN or respond…
wouldn’t it be incredible if you knew how to
help a man quickly and easily “get” what you
were talking about?

Wouldn’t it change your life if you knew
how to help HIM become a better communicator
with you… so that he would be able to better
understand you and relate to you?

 And wouldn’t it be a whole new world if you
didn’t have to have all the arguments and
misunderstandings with a man that come from both
of you not being able to really HEAR what the
other one was saying?

 In my “Communication Secrets” CD/DVD program
I share with you the underlying reason why
so many women have a hard time having a man
LISTEN and UNDERSTAND what they are trying to

  It really is possible to have the kind of
“connection” with a man where he seems to “get”
what you’re saying and where you’re coming from
before you even finish what you’re saying.

You know that this is possible because
you have this with some of your friends.

Well, it is possible between you and a man.

But only if you’re willing to take the
time to look at what’s going on at a deeper
level when men and women are communicating…
and only if you are ready to be the one to
start the process of change in the way you
and a man talk to each other.

    One of my favorite quotes that has stuck
with me over the years is…

 “Let change begin with me.”

 Are you ready to live the life and the
relationship you know is possible by learning
to master the single most important “skill”
there is in a loving and lasting relationship?

 Then it’s time you tried my “Communication
Secrets” program right now.

    All the details on this program, and some
free communication tips are here: 

Tell me if you liked this peace? Talk2Me..Please

Conversations wit Coyfee discusses Suffering in Silence within the Walls of America’s Black Church-HIV/AIDS in the Black Church

In Believer who falls into sin, Black Church, Fashions African, Forgiveness, Hiv/AIDS, Spiritual healing, women talk on July 6, 2009 at 11:55 am
Suffering in Silence within the Walls of America’s Black Church

HIV in the Black Church

Many in the black church are suffering with the fear of death. They are the grown up children that used to run around the church yard playing hide and seek. They are the young men that sang the old gospel songs and the young women that prayed prayers of healing. These are the young people that decided to grow up in America’s Black Church. Many are not married and do not have any children even though they are in their mid twenties to late thirties. Some appear to have taken a vow of celibacy but there are hidden relations going on. They no longer choose to fight their desires for same sex relations and hence they have begun to embrace this lifestyle at an alarming rate.

Now, we must be clear; not every person that has HIV/AIDS is a homosexual male. However many believe HIV/AIDS is a homosexual disease. That being the case those infected are often treated like modern day lepers. Why, because the church shuns the very thought of homosexuality? Since, they secretly desirer the same sex. They are treated as if they have already been judged by GOD and have been sentenced to HELL..

Having been raised in the Black Church, I know all to well that the discussion on sex and sexuality is mum’s the word. Some churchs are making a bold step and are beginning to discuss sex within the marriage. However, sex within same sex relationships are not popular semon starters for the Christian community. Based on a teaching that I have recieved in church same sex relationships are an abomination to God, this teaching is in response to Romans 1.24-1:26.

It reads..Romans 1:24″..Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves. 25: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. 26: For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

Now, I must go on record as stating that GOD is LOVE and He loves everyone..John 3:16
“FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life”.

Many suffering in Silence may wonder what the bible has to say about this sin or maybe below “…Then I acknowledged my sin to you (God) and did not cover up my iniquity. I said ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD’ – and you forgave the guilt of my sin.” (Ps 32:5)

A news reporter had this to say about HIV?AIDS in the black church.. CBS News correspondent Randall Pinkston explains in part two, some churches are starting to begin the conversation. black church – traditionally a loud voice for social change – has been curiously silent on the crisis of AIDS in the African-American community, and some say, even negligent.

When Demarsh Tarver contracted AIDS in Alabama, he says his minister told him to pray for forgiveness. “When I reached out to the church, I felt like I had been condemned because of my lifestyle,” Tarver said. “I basically told him, in so many words, to go to hell.” Check out our Video section for a clip of the above interview with Mr. Tarvar.

Despite the fact that pastors across the south have offered small consolation to people infected with the virus, AIDS activists say they need black churches the help stem the growing tide of new HIV and AIDS cases. While African-Americans represent 19 percent of the south’s population, Pinkston reports they’re 56 percent of new AIDS cases in the region. It is an issue that the people of God must address, said Reverend Claude R. Alexander, Jr., of the University Park Baptist Church in Charlotte, N.C.

So please allow that love to minister to you as I share one young man’s story of his suffering in silence in the black church. He has been diagnosed with HIV and is a christian that desires to be delivered from homosexuality. He is an amazing young man and please read his story without judgement.


Conversations wit Coyfee: Mr. Barnett I noticed that you stated in the article that your church did not know that you were HIV positive.  Can you tell me if anyone at your church knows now since the article?

Mr. Barnett: Well they dont know because of the article someone knows because it licked out when i was using facebook and wrote it on somebodys page that i was doing motivational speaking for H.I.V also telling my story living with it that is how one person found out.

Conversations wit Coyfee: Can you also tell me if and how your life has changed since the article in Vesselvibe was published?

Mr. Barnett: My life really has not changed because i used a fake name and only people in my family and close friends know about the article so it really has not changed my life yet but has changed my view on somethings from the comments people are leaving.

Conversations wit Coyfee: Can you share with our readers what type of feedback have you been getting from your audience?

Mr. Barnett: I have been getting postive feedback for the most part some comments people have personally e-mailed me was kinda rude but i just take that and build myself up i love my haters and negetive comments because they are like a elevater they take me higher and when the smoke clears and the dust settles at all cost i shall succeed.

Conversations wit Coyfee: You mentioned that you were interested in doing motivational speaking, how is that dream coming along?

Mr. Barnett: My motivational dreams are starting to come together the more i put the word out to people that can help me and i tell my story to they are very happy to help me like i have three events lined up and one B.E.T rap-it-up will be there so i am just staying prayed up and asking god to help me. By the way if there is any event you can use me to speak please e-mail me or if you can help with contacts or want to help me with my campaign/staff e-mail me.

Conversations wit Coyfee: Mr. Barrett, please tell our readers anything that I have not covered but that you would like to share with them.

Mr. Barnett: Well first i want to thank you Tammie(Conversations wit Coyfee) for giving me this space and allowing me to answer some questions that readers may have. If you have not gotten a chance to read my article of my life and how I contracted H.I.V please go to it is under the features section Titled I’ am a christian living with H.I.V. It will bless you also I want to give three shoutouts first to God who is making this all possible and keeping me growned to the agency that is helping shape me and mold me ROYAL PRIEST HOOD . Thank you so much for even taking me under your wings and helping me. Then I want to give a big shout out to a lady named Lisa Mosely she helped me get my business cards together. Please visit her site at

Lastly people it is time to stand up and speak out about this epedimic. I don’t know if you know how bad this is but 1 million people are effected in the U.S.A and 3,000 people don’t even know there status. Please get tested and also educated so that you will know your facts and how not to contracted this disease. My motto is “I speak to the mind to encourage the heart to make a change. Ok before I go and you get tired of me I have two messages for two diffrent people. The first message is to the affected: I am here and living with this virus and I am making my dreams come true this is not a death sentence but it is the newness of live for you. Yes when you find out you might kick and scream but after that is all said and done you have to push yourself off because there is still life to be lived. Be encouraged. Also God stated a agreement in john 11:4 this sickness is not unto death but for His glory you are only going through this for Gods glory so that you will prosper in whatever area in your life that you lack power.

The second message is to the uneducated and undereducated people, please get to know the real facts. There are ten most common myths out here about the disease that will keep you thinking negatively toward your brother or sister that is positive. So get educated and know your facts and rap it up so one day this virus won’t get you. Thank you and be Blessed. These were comments given by Mr. Barnett.

If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to e-mail Mr. Barnett at

Did this interview encourage you? If so tell us about it. We want to know your stories of life and success. Talk 2 Me..Please leave comments..


Conversations wit Coyfee-Indentifying The Spirit Of Rejection

In Uncategorized on July 6, 2009 at 7:41 am

Indentifying The Spirit Of Rejection

Salutations to all!!
Today I would like to discuss how to Indentify the Spirit of Rejection.

The Spirit of Rejection moves thru unsuspecting lives like a viper. It bites and then releases its venom into the souls of many today. Most souls which have been infected never actually realize what is wrong with them nor why they act the that they do. The infected person is contagious in the manner that they will begin to infect others with the devastating venom of the Spirit of Rejection. They will become bitter insulting their children and those close to them.

This study is rather important to me. As a child and even as an adult I have struggled with the results of rejection. I was never good enough nor did I ever achieve a high enough standard for my mother. My father already married to another woman, died when I was three years old. I do not share this to create any embarrassment for my mother but to show that they are not alone. Once recognized, the symptoms of the Spirit of Rejection can be done away with forever.

Ever have the feeling of never quite being good enough? Never believed that you were in fact loved. Do you have trouble trusting anyone? Do you believing that everyone hates you or is out to get over on you? Do you have many failed relationships; where those that you loved left you? Does any of this sound familiar? If so keep reading help is available to you.

Many that have been infected seem to never be able to master the art of love; as a result relationship after relationship is spoiled by their own hand. The infected person hurts those that dare show genuine love to them and push away would be friends. When asked why one is alone; the reply will most often be, that no one loves me. I am comfortable being alone. This is a lie that they have come to accept because people have abandoned them so many times. They most likely will expect everyone to leave. They fear being not accepted or loved, so they begin to make it almost impossible for someone to get close to them.

Because the Spirit of Rejection lies to the infected person; causing them to believe that no one actually loves them.; they believe in their heart that all those that left them were the ones that were wrong. They can not see nor can they be convinced that the problem is in them. It is almost impossible to show them that their thinking has been altered to created this pattern of abandonment. They begin to wear the wounds of loneliness as badges of honor. Proudly displaying their loneliness as a choice. Secretly the person is consumed with loneliness and deeply desires to have an intimate relationship with another person.

Let’s take a close look at what it means to be rejected based on Webster’s definition. The definition of being rejected, listed in Webster’s Online dictionary is: Refuse to accept or acknowledge; Refuse to approve; Reject with contempt;Refuse entrance or membership; Dismiss from consideration

Now that we know that rejection is basically not being accepted or embraced. The spirit realm is the reflection of what is happening in everyday life. Certain behaviors and lifestyle choices are a direct result of what is happening in the spirit realm. Even though we may not always see what is happening in the spirit realm but we do see the symptoms or results. As previously listed above, proof of the presence of the Spirit of Rejection will be evidenced by the behavior of one that is infected.

The Spirit of Rejection is and has affected many in the house of God. As you can see from this exert from Touched by Grace Website. The below article is written by Ron Wood of Touched by Grace. I greatly enjoyed reading some exerts from it and thought you might as well..

Alienation, isolation, and rejection are paralyzing the church. Loneliness is like a plague on the land. The ties that knit our lives together seem to have unraveled. Covenant love has grown cold and casual contacts can’t replace them. The tapestry of society is like a mass of individual threads, no longer woven together. Broken homes from divorces provide a vivid picture of our inability to stay in meaningful relationships. (In Cuba, where I have ministered, the divorce rate is 78%.) Ask any modern school teacher how many children in their classroom still have the same original parents. The answer is always, “Hardly any.” The feeling of abandonment hurts. These kids usually suffer from rejection.

Rejection affects adults as well. Many people have come to full age still carrying the scars of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. These men and women look normal but inside they are filled with terrible insecurity, anger, or fear. Others are sitting on a ticking emotional time-bomb of resentment and rebellion, just waiting to boil over into rage. These scars, if left unhealed, will render a person incapable of entering into committed, wholesome, long-term relationships.

One particular problem is very common. It undermines the confidence of many Christians and interferes with true fellowship between friends. It is a lying spirit from our enemy called a spirit of rejection. Rejection is the worst pain the human spirit can suffer. Anyone who has been abandoned, suffered abuse, or endured discrimination can relate to this kind of anguish. Let’s examine this assault from Satan so we can recognize this form of mental oppression.

First, the spirit of rejection refers to the mind-set ingrained into us which tells us that we are unloved, unwanted, or will never be good enough. This may start in childhood. This mind-set makes us strive to earn our acceptance. It makes people feel driven to perform in order to be approved. This mind-set makes people feel they are loved for what they do rather than for who they are. It is demeaning. It robs people of peace. The sad thing is that no amount of achievement is ever enough to satisfy it.

In other people, the injustice of being treated unfairly or rejected or disrespected makes them boil over in anger. They quit trying to fit in, rebel against everyone, and try to break out of the box being forced on them. In refusing to be a victim, they may victimize others. Resentment covers their soul like a dark shroud. They wind up in an emotional prison of their own making.

The mind-set of rejection is the result of having believed a lie. It is a syndrome of self-talk that comes from being programmed with falsehoods. Having been told a lie often enough, victims begin to say, “Yes, it’s true.” The lie becomes accepted when the victim agrees with the accusations. They become their own accuser. They have internalized the venom. The deceit becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The victim begins to expect to be rejected and thus sabotages their own relationships.
This mental stronghold of rejection is powerful. It will be torn down only when we find God’s Word about our case and choose to believe the truth instead of a lie. Only God’s truth can set us free. The truth will connect us to God’s love. God’s love will cure our wounded souls.

The Spirit of Rejection creates a feeble and broken person. That person unknowingly will bite anyone that attempts to love them. This lying spirit has destroyed marriages, church congregations, friendships and even work relationships. The Spirit of Rejection leaves one powerless against the enemy, hence making the Body Of Christ a dead and powerless organism.

It was evident that a people that had the opportunity to be infused with dunamus power, the power of the Holy Spirit, were a force to be reckon with. A powerful force that moved thru the tapestry of time destroying the kingdom of darkness. Setting free those that had been enslaved thru the lies of the enemy. A glimpse of the past, shows the definite difference in the Body of Christ yesterday and the Body of Christ today.

Tune In later for “Origin of the Spirit Of Rejection”



What makes a woman.. A woman.

In Spiritual healing, Uncategorized, women talk on July 3, 2009 at 12:49 pm

beautyWhat makes a woman..a woman


Hi Family!

 I hope everyone is doing fine.  It has been a little while since we shared.  However, I have been hard at work to locate the next artist for an interview. In the meantime I have been pondering an age old question.  What is the question you ask? 

Well, “What makes a woman a woman?” Are you smiling while reading that title? Do you think that you know the answer?  Yes, go ahead and tell me the answer, please. One person said the curves that define femininity.. The curves from the bottom up to the breast..Oh you mean, those curves the ones that won’t let a man’s mind rest…Well that’s a good answer but not what I was looking for. See some time ago..Men began to sculpt their bodies to look just like or in many cases better than the average woman..So the curvy figure isn’t all that’s need to make a woman a woman.

indian womanAnyone else has any suggestions?  A visitor in corner yells…”The gentle touch…” Yes! Well there are some males whose hands feel like a baby’s bottom.”  Someone walking by blurted out “The soft sweet voice that creates a melody as a baby is serenaded”.  Well let us see…I know some women whose voice are as deep as the ocean’s blue and some men whose voice is as high as evaporated dew. So the sound or pitch of one’s voice does not make a woman a woman.  Does anyone one else?

There is but one thing that makes a woman a woman. It is the womb gifted to her by GOD. A man can alter his appearance from head to toe. He can become Josephine and no longer be known as Joe. He can raise the pitch of his voice from the ocean’s deep to the height of the mountain’s peak.  He could change his special design so he is no longer the depositor but the receiver. He still can never be a woman. He can change his appearance, the sound of his voice, and the intimacies of his hidden treasure and still he can’t be a woman. Please understand I do not stand in judgment of any soul that changes his birth imagine…I only share with you..What God shared with me…That He who is the creator of all living made a woman…a woman.

The woman is a womb-man because God took her out of man and gave her the ability to bear life. What an honor ladies, to be able to bear life. 

He crafted her to entice man and to comfort him, to nurture him as he rests his head against her breast. To be his biggest hoorah and his strongest advocate.  She, woman was not crafted to parade her nudity or expose her secret treasures. God designed her, woman, to satisfy the man he crafted her for. Not for all to see and lust for her but to only entice and then satisfy that one man..The one God designed her for…Her soul mate…

The one thing that makes a woman a woman…Our God design…Like it, Love it, Want to give it back…That is what makes a woman a woman…Her womb-the God design